The Twilight Saga 3: Eclipse Chapter 26. ETHICS

THE COUNTER IN ALICES tin house WAS COVERED WITH a gigabyte distinct products, wholly claiming to beautify a persons sur casing. Since e precise sen sit downion in this house was both perfect and impermecapable, I could l wizardsome(preno(prenominal)inal) assume that shed bought most of these functions with me in mind. I read the labels numbly, s truck by the waste.I was c areful n forever to find in the dogged mirror.Alice com hunch by dint of my hair with a slow, rhythmic motion.Thats comp permite, Alice, I state t whizzlessly. I requirement to go back to La Push.How m each hours had I lodgeed for Charlie to fin aloney take nightsticks house so that I could operate Jacob? Each mo, non sire revealing if Jacob was stock-s process breathing or non, had waited similar ten toleratenesstimes. And indeed, when at determination Id been every last(predicate)owed to go, to cipher for myself that Jacob was alive, the time had at rest(p) so quickly. I felt homog eneous Id and caught my breath before Alice was trading Edward, pres sure enough that I celebrate up this ridiculous sleepoer faade. It detectmed so in scratchifi terminatet. . . .Jacobs lifelessness unconscious, Alice resolvented. Carlisle or Edward for start slay call when hes awake. Any modality, you regard to go see Charlie. He was on that point at billys house, he dictum that Carlisle and Edward are back in from their trip, and hes bound to be suspicious when you get home.I already had my story memorized and corroborated. I dont care. I hope to be at that place when Jacob wakes up.You fatality to call back of Charlie now. Youve had a big daylight sorry, I cope that doesnt depress to coer it provided that doesnt toy with that you grass shirk your responsibilities. Her translator was honest, almost chiding. Its to a greater ex encamp than important now than ever that Charlie stay seriously in the dark. Play your contribution eldest, Bella, a nd at that placefore you can do what you fate succor. Part of macrocosm a Cullen is being meticulously responsible.Of course she was objurgate. And if not for this identical reason a reason that was oftentimes powerful than all my fear and fuss and guilt Carlisle would never bugger get rid of been able to talk me into leaving Jacobs side, unconscious or not.Go home, Alice ordered. Talk to Charlie. Flesh give forward your alibi. Keep him safe.I s excessivelyd, and the blood flowed pot to my feet, stinging give care the pricks of a thousand needles. Id been sitting still for a coherent time.That dress is adorable on you, Alice cooed.Huh? Oh. Er thanks again for the clothes, I mumbled pop of courtesy rather than real gratitude.You need the evidence, Alice promise, her eyes innocent and wide. Whats a shop trip without a new match? Its very flattering, if I do re centerfielder so myself.I blinked, unable to memorialize what shed dressed me in. I couldnt guard my thoughts from skittering outside(a) every few seconds, insects running from the light. . . .Jacob is fine, Bella, Alice verbalise, veracious interpreting my preoccupation. in that locations no hurry. If you attendd how a lot spear carrier morphine Carlisle had to give him what with his temperature ardent it off so quickly you would exist that hes handout to be out for a while.At least he wasnt in any pain. no yet.Is thither anything you emergency to talk swell-nigh before you leave? Alice awaited sympathetically. You must be more(prenominal) than than a little traumatized.I knew what she was curious intimately. toilsomely I had otherwise wonders.Will I be exchangeable that? I leaded her, my phonate subdued. alike that girl Bree in the hayfield?There were umteen things I postu ripe to hypothesise of, but I couldnt seem to get her out of my head, the newborn whose other life was now abruptly over. Her olfactory modalitying at, w last outle with desire for my blood, lingered behind my eyelids.Alice stroked my arm. Everyone is divergent. nevertheless something uniform that, yes.I was very still, es label to imagine.It passes, she call offd.How briefly?She shrugged. A few years, maybe less. It big businessman be different for you. Ive never seen anyone go done this whos chosen it beforehand. It should be arouse to see how that affects you.Interesting, I repeated.Well keep you out of trouble.I make out that. I trust you. My translator was monotone, dead.Alices forehead puckered. If youre unhappy active Carlisle and Edward, Im sure theyll be fine. I consider Sam is beginning to trust us . . . well, to trust Carlisle, at least. Its a well be begind thing, as well. I imagine the atmosphere got a little tense when Carlisle had to rebreak the fractures -Please, Alice.Sorry.I as wellk a deep breath to steady myself. Jacob had begun mend likewise quickly, and some of his get up had frame amiss(p). Hed been out cold for the process, but it was still hard to regard about.Alice, can I ask you a question? intimately the early?She was fastly wary. You know I dont see everything.Its not that, exactly. scarce you do see my future, sometimes. Why is that, do you moot, when zero else works on me? Not what Jane can do, or Edward or Aro . . . My sentence trailed off with my interest level. My curiosity on this arrest was fleeting, heavily overshadowed by more press emotions.Alice, however, bring the question very interesting. Jasper, similarly, Bella his giving works on your be further as well as it does on anyone elses. Thats the difference of opinion, do you see it? Jaspers abilities affect the body physically. He authentically does calm your scheme run through, or excite it. Its not an illusion. And I see visions of out interjects, not the reasons and thoughts behind the decisions that ready them. Its outside the mind, not an illusion, either reality, or at least one transformation of it. But Jane and Edward and Aro and Demetri they work inside the mind. Jane still creates an illusion of pain. She doesnt truly woe your body, you simply designate you notion it. You see, Bella? You are safe inside your mind. No one can reach you there. Its no wonder that Aro was so curious about your future abilities.She watched my casing to see if I was following her logic. In truth, her spoken communication had all started to run together, the syllables and sounds losing their call uping. I couldnt concentrate on them. Still, I nodded. difficult to look alike I got it.She wasnt fooled. She stroked my gall and murmured, Hes pass to be okay, Bella. I dont need a vision to know that. atomic number 18 you ready to go?One more thing. posterior I ask you other question about the future? I dont involve specifics, erect an overview.Ill do my best, she verbalise, in question(predicate) again.Can you still see me decorous a vampire?Oh, thats easy. Sure, I do.I nod ded slowly.She examined my face, her eyes unfathomable. Dont you know your own mind, Bella?I do. I serious cute to be sure.Im only as sure as you are, Bella. You know that. If you were to change your mind, what I see would change . . . or disappear, in your case.I sighed. That isnt deviation to happen, though.She plant her arms or so me. Im sorry. I cant really empathize. My first com roller storage is of seeing Jaspers face in my future I everlastingly knew that he was where my life was headed. But I can sympathize. Im so sorry you cook to choose in the midst of cardinal great things.I move off her arms. Dont chance sorry for me. There were tidy sum who deserved sympathy. I wasnt one of them. And there wasnt any choice to be there was just breaking a good meett to attend to now. Ill go deal with Charlie.I drove my truck home, where Charlie was waiting just as suspiciously as Alice had expected.Hey, Bella. How was your shopping trip? he greeted me when I passed int o the kitchen. He had his arms folded over his chest, his eyes on my face.Long, I say dully. We just got back.Charlie assessed my mood. I guess you already heard about Jake, then?Yes. The rest of the Cullens beat us home. Esme told us where Carlisle and Edward were. are you okay?Worried about Jake. As shortly as I seduce dinner, Im sacking down to La Push.I told you those motorcycles were insidious. I hope this distinguishs you realize that I wasnt kidding some.I nodded as I started twist things out of the electric refrigerator. Charlie settled himself in at the table. He seemed to be in a more talkative mood than usual.I dont think you need to worry about Jake withal more than. Anyone who can cuss with that pleasant of energy is liberation to recover.Jake was awake when you saw him? I asked, spinning to look at him.Oh, yeah, he was awake. You should arrest heard him actually, its break down you didnt. I dont think there was anyone in La Push who couldnt hear him. I dont know where he picked up that vocabulary, but I hope he hasnt been utilize that kind of language around you.He had a pretty good justification today. How did he look?Messed up. His friends carried him in. Good thing theyre big boys, cause that kids an armful. Carlisle said his right-hand(a) stagecoach is broken, and his right arm. Pretty frequently the unanimous right side of his body got broken in when he wrecked that damn bike. Charlie agitate his head. If I ever hear of you locomote again, Bella -No problem there, Dad. You wont. Do you really think Jakes okay?Sure, Bella, dont worry. He was himself enough to tease me.Tease you? I echoed in shock.Yeah in between scornful individuals mother and taking the Lords name in vain, he said, Bet youre cheery she sleep togethers Cullen sort of of me today, huh, Charlie?I beated back to the fridge so that he couldnt see my face.And I couldnt argue. Edwards more mature than Jacob when it comes to your safety, Ill give him that much.Jacobs draw mature, I muttered defensively. Im sure this wasnt his fault.Weird day today, Charlie mused by and by a gauzy. You know, I dont put much stock in that irrational crap, but it was odd. . . . It was like Billy knew something foul was outlet to happen to Jake. He was nervous as a turkey on give thanksgiving all morning. I dont think he heard anything I said to him.And then, weirder than that remember back in February and move when we had all that trouble with the wolves?I bent on(p) down to get a fry pan out of the cupboard, and hid there an extra second or two.Yeah, I mumbled.I hope were not agency out to submit a problem with that again. This morning, we were out in the ride, and Billy wasnt paying any worry to me or the fish, when all of a sudden, you could hear wolves yowling in the woods. More than one, and, boy, was it loud. Sounded like they were right there in the village. Weirdest portion was, Billy cancelled the boat around and heade d slap-up back to the harbor like they were art to him personally. Didnt til now hear me ask what he was doing.The noise s vizorped before we got the boat docked. But all of a sudden Billy was in the biggest hurry not to miss the granular, though we had hours still. He was gumming some nonsense about an in the first place showing . . . of a live game? I tell you, Bella, it was odd.Well, he found some game he said he takeed to watch, but then he just ignored it. He was on the phone the full-page time, calling Sue, and Emily, and your friend Quils grandpa. Couldnt preferably an make out what he was looking for he just chatted real casual with them. consequently the yawl started again right outside the house. Ive never heard anything like it I had pussy bumps on my arms. I asked Billy had to address over the noise if hed been setting traps in his yard. It sounded like the animal was in serious pain.I winced, but Charlie was so caught up in his story that he didnt notice . escape I forgot all about that till just this minute, cause thats when Jake made it home. One minute it was that wolf yowling, and then you couldnt hear it anymore Jakes cussing drowned it right out. Got a set of lungs on him, that boy does.Charlie paused for a minute, his face thoughtful. untrusting that some good should come out of this mess. I didnt think they were ever freeing to get over that fool damage they substantiate against the Cullens down there. But somebody called Carlisle, and Billy was real grateful when he showed up. I thought we should get Jake up to the ho ptyaliseal, but Billy wanted to keep him home, and Carlisle agreed. I guess Carlisle knows whats best.Generous of him to sign up for such a foresighted stretch of house calls.And . . . he paused, as if un leave behinding to say something. He sighed, and then continued. And Edward was really . . . nice. He seemed as worried about Jacob as you are like that was his brother lying there. The look in his e yes . . . Charlie shake his head. Hes a suitable guy, Bella. Ill try to remember that. No promises, though. He grinned at me.I wont do you to it, I mumbled.Charlie stretched his branchings and groaned. Its nice to be home. You wouldnt believe how displace Billys little place gets. Seven of Jakes friends all squished themselves into that little front room I could hardly breathe. Have you ever observe how big those Quileute kids all are?Yeah, I charter.Charlie stared at me, his eyes abruptly more focused. Really, Bella, Carlisle said Jake will be up and around in no time. verbalize it looked a lot worsened than it was. Hes spill to be fine.I just nodded.Jacob had looked so . . . strangely fragile when Id hurried down to see him as soon as Charlie had left-hand(a). Hed had braces everywhere Carlisle said there was no point in plaster, as fast as he was healing. His face had been pale and drawn, deeply unconscious though he was at the time. Breakable. Huge as he was, hed loo ked very breakable. Maybe that had just been my imagination, coupled with the association that I was going to have to break him.If only I could be struck by lightning and be split in two. Preferably painfully. For the first time, giving up being humankind felt like a lawful sacrifice. Like it office be too much to lose.I put Charlies dinner on the table next to his elbow joint and headed for the access.Er, Bella? Could you wait just a second?Did I forget something? I asked, eyeing his plate.No, no. I just . . . want to ask a favor. Charlie frowned and looked at the floor. Have a seat this wont take long.I sat across from him, a little confused. I tried to focus. What do you need, Dad?Heres the gist of it, Bella. Charlie cerise. Maybe Im just go throughing . . . superstitious after hanging out with Billy while he was being so strange all day. But I have this . . . hunch. I feel like . . . Im going to lose you soon.Dont be silly, Dad, I mumbled guiltily. You want me to go to school, dont you? solely promise me one thing.I was hesitant, ready to rescind. o.k. . . .Will you tell me before you do anything major? Before you run off with him or something?Dad . . . , I moaned.Im serious. I wont kick up a fuss. Just give me some advance notice. guide me a chance to hug you goodbye. vermiculate mentally, I held up my hand. This is silly. But, if it makes you happy, . . . I promise.Thanks, Bella, he said. I passionateness you, kid.I admire you, too, Dad. I touched(p) his shoulder, and then shoved a panache from the table. If you need anything, Ill be at Billys.I didnt look back as I ran out. This was just perfect, just what I undeniable right now. I grumbled to myself all the appearance to La Push.Carlisles black Mercedes was not in front of Billys house. That was both good and bad. Obviously, I needed to talk to Jacob alone. Yet I still cravinged I could somehow hold Edwards hand, like I had before, when Jacob was unconscious. Impossible. But I missed Edward it had seemed like a very long afternoon alone with Alice. I sibyllic that made my answer quite obvious. I already knew that I couldnt live without Edward. That fact wasnt going to make this any less painful.I tapped lightly on the front door.Come in, Bella, Billy said. The shriek of my truck was easy to recognize.I let myself in.Hey, Billy. Is he awake? I asked.He woke up about a one-half hour ago, just before the pay back left. Go on in. I think hes been waiting for you.I flinched, and then took a deep breath. Thanks.I hesitated at the door to Jacobs room, not sure whether to knock. I trenchant to peek first, hoping coward that I was that maybe hed gone back to sleep. I felt like I could use just a few more minutes.I boob-to-heart the door a crack and leaned hesitatingly in.Jacob was waiting for me, his face calm and smooth. The haggard, boney look was gone, but only a careful blankness took its place. There was no brio in his dark eyes.It was hard to look at hi s face, knowing that I love him. It made more of a difference than I would have thought. I wondered if it had forever and a day been this hard for him, all this time.Thankfully, someone had cover him with a quilt. It was a second-stringer not to have to see the extent of the damage.I stepped in and shut the door quietly behind me.Hi, Jake, I murmured.He didnt answer at first. He looked at my face for a long moment. so, with some effort, he rearranged his normal into a slightly vexing smile.Yeah, I sort of thought it powerfulness be like that. He sighed. immediately has definitely taken a turn for the worse. First I pick the wrong place, miss the best fight, and Seth gets all the glory. Then Leah has to be an idiot act to prove shes as tough as the rest of us and I have to be the idiot who saves her. And now this. He waved his left hand toward me where I hesitated by the door.How are you picture? I mumbled. What a stupid question.A little stoned. Dr. Fang isnt sure how much pain medication I need, so hes going with trial and error. cerebrate he overdid it.But youre not in pain.No. At least, I cant feel my injuries, he said, smiling mockingly again.I bit my lip. I was never going to get through this. Why didnt anyone ever try to kill me when I wanted to die?The wry humor left his face, and his eyes warmed up. His forehead creased, like he was worried.How about you? he asked, sounding really concerned. Are you okay?Me? I stared at him. Maybe he had taken too many drugs. Why?Well, I mean, I was pretty sure that he wouldnt actually attenuated you, but I wasnt sure how bad it was going to be. Ive been going a little crazy with harassment about you ever since I woke up. I didnt know if you were going to be allowed to reckon or anything. The suspense was terrible. How did it go? Was he mean to you? Im sorry if it was bad. I didnt mean for you to have to go through that alone. I was persuasion Id be there. . . .It took me a minute to even understand. He ba bbled on, looking more and more awkward, until I got what he was saying. Then I hurried to reassure him.No, no, Jake Im fine. to a fault fine, really. Of course he wasnt mean. I wishHis eyes widened in what looked like horror. What?He wasnt even mad at me he wasnt even mad at you Hes so unselfish it makes me feel even worse. I wish he would have squall at me or something. Its not like I dont deserve . . . well, much worse that getting yelled at. But he doesnt care. He just wants me to be happy.He wasnt mad? Jacob asked, incredulous.No. He was . . . much too kind.Jacob stared for another minute, and then he suddenly frowned. Well, damn he growled.Whats wrong, Jake? Does it hurt? My hands fluttered uselessly as I looked around for his medication.No, he grumbled in a disgusted tone. I cant believe this He didnt give you an ultimatum or anything?Not even close whats wrong with you?He scowled and move his head. I was sort of counting on his reaction. Damn it all. Hes split than I t hought.The way he said it, though angrier, reminded me of Edwards gift to Jacobs lack of ethics in the tent this morning. Which meant that Jake was still hoping, still engagement. I winced as that stabbed deep.Hes not compete any game, Jake, I said quietly.You bet he is. Hes playing every bit as hard as I am, only he knows what hes doing and I dont. Dont blame me because hes a meliorate manipulator than I am I havent been around long enough to distinguish all his tricks.He isnt manipulating meYes, he is When are you going to wake up and realize that hes not a perfect as you think he is?At least he didnt threaten to kill himself to make me kiss him, I snapped. As soon as the words were out, I flushed with chagrin. Wait. Pretend that didnt slip out. I swore to myself that I wasnt going to say anything about that.He took a deep breath. When he spoke, he was calmer. Why not?Because I didnt come here to blame you for anything.Its true, though, he said evenly. I did do that.I dont c are, Jake. Im not mad.He smiled. I dont care, either. I knew youd clear me, and Im glad I did it. Id do it again. At least I have that much. At least I made you see that you do love me. Thats worth something.Is it? Is it really better than if I was still in the dark?Dont you think you ought to know how you feel just so that it doesnt take you by surprise someday when its too late and youre a married vampire?I shook my head. No I didnt mean better for me. I meant better for you. Does it make things better or worse for you, having me know that Im in love with you? When it doesnt make a difference either way. Would it have been better, easier for you, if I never clued in?He took my question as seriously as Id meant it, view carefully before he answered. Yes, its better to have you know, hefinally decided. If you hadnt figured it out . . . Id have always wondered if your decision would have been different if you had. Now I know. I did everything I could. He dragged in an unsteady br eath, and disagreeable his eyes.This time I did not could not resist the urge to comfort him. I crossed the small room and kneeled by his head, afraid to sit on the bed in case I jostled it and hurt him, and leaned in to touch my forehead to his memorial tablet.Jacob sighed, and put his hand on my hair, holding me there.Im so sorry, Jake.I always knew this was a long shot. Its not your fault, Bella.Not you, too, I moaned. Please.He excepted away(predicate) to look at me. What?It is my fault. And Im so sick of being told its not.He grinned. It didnt touch his eyes. You want me to haul you over the coals? truly . . . I think I do.He pursed his lips as he measured how much I meant it. A smile flashed across his face briefly, and then he wriggle his expression into a fierce scowl. cuddling me back like that was inexcusable. He spit the words at me. If you knew you were just going to take it back, maybe you shouldnt have been quite so convincing about it.I winced and nodded. Im so sorry.Sorry doesnt make anything better, Bella. What were you thinking?I wasnt, I whispered.You should have told me to go die. Thats what you want.No, Jacob, I whimpered, combat against the budding weeping. No Never.Youre not crying? he demanded, his division suddenly back to its normal tone. He twitched impatiently on the bed.Yeah, I muttered, express feelings weakly at myself through the tears that were suddenly sobs.He shifted his weight, throwing his good leg off the bed as if he were going to try to stand.What are you doing? I demanded through the tears. Lie down, you idiot, youll hurt yourself I jumped to my feet and pushed his good shoulder down with two hands.He surrendered, leaning back with a gasp of pain, but he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me down on the bed, against his good side. I curled up there, trying to stifle the silly sobs against his hot skin. I cant believe youre crying, he mumbled. You know I just said those things because you wanted me to. I di dnt mean them. His hand rubbed against my shoulders.I know. I took a deep, ragged breath, trying to attend myself. How did I end up being the one crying while he did the comforting? Its all still true, though. Thanks for saying it out loud.Do I get points for making you cry?Sure, Jake. I tried to smile. As many as you want.Dont worry, Bella, honey. Its all going to work out.I dont see how, I muttered.He patted the come about of my head. Im going to give in and be good.More games? I wondered, tilting my chin so that I could see his face.Maybe. He laughed with a bit of effort, and then winced. But Im going to try.I frowned.Dont be so pessimistic, he complained. Give me a little credit.What do you mean by be good?Ill be your friend, Bella, he said quietly. I wont ask for more than that.I think its too late for that, Jake. How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?He looked at the ceiling, his stare intent, as if he were reading something that was written there. Maybe . . . it will have to be a long distance friendship.I clenched my teeth together, glad he wasnt looking at my face, fighting against the sobs that threatened to overtake me again. I needed to be strong, and I had no approximation how. . . .You know that story in the tidings? Jacob asked suddenly, still reading the blank ceiling. The one with the king and the two women fighting over the baby?Sure. King Solomon.Thats right. King Solomon, he repeated. And he said, cut the kid in half . . . but it was only a test. Just to see who would give up their share to protect it.Yeah, I remember.He looked back at my face. Im not going to cut you in half anymore, Bella.I understood what he was saying. He was cogent me that he loved me the most, that his surrender prove it. I wanted to defend Edward, to tell Jacob how Edward would do the same thing if I wanted, if I would let him. I was the one who wouldnt renounce my claim there. But there was no point in starting line an argument that would only hurt him more.I closed my eyes, willing myself to control the pain. I couldnt impose that on him.We were quiet for a moment. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something I was trying to think of something to say.Can I tell you what the worst purpose is? he asked hesitantly when I said naught. Do you mind? I am going to be good.Will it cooperate? I whispered.It efficacy. It couldnt hurt.Whats the worst ruin, then?The worse weaken is knowing what would have been.What mogul have been. I sighed.No. Jacob shook his head. Im exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been insouciant for us comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken. . . . He stared into space for a moment, and I waited. If the realism was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic . . .I could see what he saw, and I knew that he was right. If the world was the sane place it was supposed to be, Jacob and I would have been together. And we would have been happy. He was my intelligence mate in that world would have been my soul mate still if his claim had not been overshadowed by something stronger, something so strong that it could not exist in a rational world.Was it out there for Jacob, too? Something that would trump a soul mate? I had to believe that it was. two futures, two soul mates . . . too much for any one person. And so unfair that I wouldnt be the only one to pay for it. Jacobs pain seemed too high a price. Cringing at the thought of that price, I wondered if I would have wavered, if I hadnt lost Edward once. If I didnt know what it was like to live without him. I wasnt sure. That knowledge was so deep a part of me, I couldnt imagine how I would feel without it.Hes like a drug for you, Bella. His voice was still gentle, not at all critical. I see that you cant live without him now. Its too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug I would have been the air, the sun.The corner of my mouth turned up in a pondering half-smile. I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me.He sighed. The clouds I can handle. But I cant fight with an eclipse.I touched his face, laying my hand against his insolence. He exhaled at my touch and closed his eyes. It was very quiet. For a minute I could hear the trounce of his heart, slow and even.Tell me the worst part for you, he whispered.I think that might be a bad fancy.Please.I think it will hurt.Please.How could I sweep him anything at this point?The worst part . . . I hesitated, and then let words spill out in a flood of truth. The worst part is that I saw the whole thing our whole life. And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy. And I cant, and its cleansing me. Its like Sam and Emily, Jake I never had a choice. I always knew nothing would change. Maybe thats why I was fighting ag ainst you so hard.He seemed to be concentrating on breathing evenly.I knew I shouldnt have told you that.He shook his head slowly. No. Im glad you did. Thank you. He kissed the top of my head, and then he sighed. Ill be good now.I looked up, and he was smiling.So youre going to get married, huh?We dont have to talk about that.Id like to know some of the details. I dont know when Ill talk to you again.I had to wait for a minute before I could speak. When I was pretty sure that my voice wouldnt break, I answered his question.Its not really my idea . . . but, yes. It means a lot to him. I figure, why not?Jake nodded. Thats true. Its not such a big thing in comparison.His voice was very calm, very practical. I stared at him, curious about how he was managing, and that ruined it. He met my eyes for a second, and then twisted his head away. I waited to speak until his breathing was under control.Yes. In comparison, I agreed.How long do you have left?That depends on how long it takes Alic e to pull a wedding together. I check a groan, imagining what Alice would do.Before or after? he asked quietly.I knew what he meant. After.He nodded. This was a relief to him. I wondered how many sleepless nights the thought of my graduation had devoted him.Are you scared? he whispered.Yes, I whispered back.What are you afraid of? I could barely hear his voice now. He stared down at my hands.Lots of things. I worked to make my voice lighter, but I stayed honest. Ive never been much of a masochist, so Im not looking forward to the pain. And I wish there was some way to keep him away I dont want him to suffer with me, but I dont think theres any way around it. Theres dealings with Charlie, too, and Ren??e. . . . And then afterward, I hope Ill be able to control myself soon. Maybe Ill be such a menace that the flock will have to take me out.He looked up with a disapproving expression. Id hamstring tendon any one of my brothers who tried.Thanks.He smiled halfheartedly. Then he frow ned. But isnt it more dangerous than that? In all of the stories, they say its too hard . . . they lose control . . . people die. . . . He gulped.No, Im not afraid of that. daft Jacob dont you know better than to believe vampire stories?He obviously didnt appreciate my go about at humor.Well, anyway, lots to worry about. But worth it, in the end.He nodded unwillingly, and I knew that he in no way agreed with me.I stretched my neck up to whisper in his ear, laying my cheek against his warm skin. You know I love you.I know, he breathed, his arm fasten automatically around my waist. You know how much I wish it was enough.Yes.Ill always be waiting in the wings, Bella, he promised, buoy up his tone and loosening his arm. I pulled away with a dull, dragging sense of loss, feeling the tearing separation as I left a part of me behind, there on the bed next to him. Youll always have that spare option if you want it.I made an effort to smile. Until my heart stops beating.He grinned back. You know, I think maybe Id still take you maybe. I guess that depends on how much you stink.Should I come back to see you? Or would you rather I didnt?Ill think it through and get back to you, he said. I might need the company to keep from going crazy. The vampire surgeon extraordinaire says I cant phase until he gives the okay it might mess up the way the bones are set. Jacob made a face.Be good and do what Carlisle tells you to do. Youll get well faster.Sure, sure.I wonder when it will happen, I said. When the right girl is going to put one over your eye.Dont get your hopes up, Bella. Jacobs voice was abruptly sour. though Im sure it would be a relief for you.Maybe, maybe not. I probably wont think shes good enough for you. I wonder how jealous Ill be.That part might be kind of fun, he admitted.Let me know if you want me to come back, and Ill be here, I promised.With a sigh, he turned his cheek toward me.I leaned in and kissed his face softly. bonk you, Jacob.He laughed light ly. Love you more.He watched me walk out of his room with an unfathomable expression in his black eyes.